I have had OCD (obsessive violent and/or sexual thoughts) my whole life. Probably even before I hit puberty. Like most OCD-sufferers, I just thought I was evil reincarnated.
Now that I know what it is, finally at the age of 23, I accept that I'm not evil reincarnated (how narcissistic of little kid me to think that I was the most evil, villainous thing there was!)
However, that does not mean the struggle has completely gone away. . . .
Common OCD Thoughts When Meeting A New Male Client:
Boss: Jordyn, I would like you to meet Mr. Client. Mr. Client needs a new website.
—Mr. Client holds out his hand in greeting—
Mr. Client: Pleased to meet you!
Me: Pleased to meet you too.
—Sudden image of my kneeling down and sucking his dick enters my mind while we shake hands—
Boss: —unaware— Please sit so we can get started.
Mr. Client: Great, well, as you know, I am a family man, and I really want my clients to get a sense of that on my website.
Me: Okay. —takes notes—
My thoughts: Images spread of me pulling down my pants, sitting on his lap, and riding him.
I look to Boss, convinced he can read my mind. Finally, he looks back and smiles.
Oh no, he CAN read my mind!
I look at Mr. Client, who is talking to Boss, and giving me a smile in the corner of his mouth.
Oh no, he can read my mind too! I better stop thinking!
Mr. Client: Website, blah blah blah, family, blah blah blah, products and such.
My thoughts: Trying to force the image of his old, wrinkly dick in my mouth out of my head. Image only grows stronger. Image Me seems to be enjoying it, and Image Client is not.
Boss: I think we got a lot of good information today. Jordyn, what do you think?
Me: —looks down at jumbled, nonsense notes— Yes, I agree!
I reach over to shake Mr. Client's hand, the picture of his cock finally out of my mind. I am thinking clearly again.
Me: It was great meeting you. I will send you the first design once it is finished.
Mr. Client: Great! It was nice to meet you too.
Mr. Client gives me a friendly smile again and I think—He DID read my mind!