Keep a diary of the work you are doing to get your life more balanced. Identify what you are doing that is positive. What's working for you? What are the healthy things that are making you feel better about yourself and your life?
September 17, 2016 Entry
The first thing to do to become more balanced was probably telling my parents that I have OCD and BPD (though the second thing to do to become more balanced should probably be moving out!)
First, I was diagnosed with OCD, so I can home, and this was how I explained it to my mom:
Me: Mom, Camilla (what I am calling my therapist here) says I have OCD.
Mom: But you don't clean your room!
Me: That's not what OCD always is Mom. . . .
Mom: Oh, yeah? Then what is OCD?
Me: Well, some people with OCD care about keeping things clean, but others have obsessive thoughts—
Mom: Obsessive thoughts? Like what? Killing your parents?
Me: Yes, like that!
Mom: So you want to kill us?
Me: -_-
The obsessive thoughts I have can be both violent and/or sexual. Mostly they are sexual or a mix of the two, and, even though I was 23 at this time, I didn't really want to have to go into this with my Mom, so I let her think my obsessive thoughts were about killing people. Including Mom and Dad.
Take Two: Dad
Me: Did Mom tell you I have OCD?
Dad: Yes, and I don't believe it. You don't clean anything!
Me: That's not all that OCD is. I don't have that part.
Dad: I wish you had that part.
Me: I know.
Dad: Okay, then what is OCD?
Me: Um, well, obsessive thoughts, mostly.
Dad: Like what? Harming people?
Me: Kinda. Do you remember when we watched Fight Club?
Dad: Yeah, that movie was strange.
Me: Well, I've read some more of his work, and it stays pretty weird. My obsessive thoughts can get weird like that.
Dad: Yeah?
Me: Except weirder sometimes. I think I can out-weird Chuck Palahniuk.
This is how I tried to describe OCD to my parents. It wasn't very successful, but I think they have mostly forgotten about this since it was determined that I have BPD. My mom immediately looked this up and said that I didn't exhibit any of the signs (though I do, on the inside. I just keep everything in.)
When she realized it upset me that they were questioning Camilla, she stopped. Eventually, she asked me more about BPD.
Why, why, WHY did I think it was a good idea to mention Sylvia Plath and Girl, Interrupted!?
My mom still doesn't believe I have BPD.
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