- One week before my boyfriend's birthday. Me and Mom in her car. -
Mom: What are you and [Boyfriend] doing for his birthday?
Me: I'm going to buy him all of his favorite food.
Mom: Aw, that's sweet.
Me: That way, his face will be stuffed so he can't say anything stupid, and it will be less likely that I will yell at him on his birthday.
Mom: I'm surprised you allow him to talk at all.
Me: I know, but I'm trying to train him.
Mom: How so?
Me: For one, I told him he can't ever be gross like Dad.
Mom: How are you going to enforce that?
Me: Whenever Dad says something gross, I look at [Boyfriend] and say NO.
Mom: Hm, that's smart, but it won't last.
Me: It will. He can't say anything gross, until we have children, when they are little and think fart jokes are funny.
Mom: Until! You said until!
Mom: I knew it! Dad told me you were only lying about not wanting kids to mess with me!
Me: I meant if I accidentally get pregnant and decide to keep it.
Me: If I accidentally get pregnant and decide to keep it.
Mom: You think that annoys me, but it doesn't! I'm pro-choice.
Me: - Then why aren't you pro-my choice? -